“The daughter forces to part with a man”

Daughters 12 years old. We divorced her father a year ago, she stayed with me. The ex -husband continues to communicate with the child. I recently started a new relationship, and the man moved to me. The daughter does not want to put up with this situation, arranges tantrums about the fact that I brought a stranger to the house. At the same time, the new gentleman treats her very well, with him she behaves calmly. But what he cooks is refusing to go for a walk with us does not want to go. I am like between two fires. How to be with her? I already think about parting with this man for the sake of her calm. In a week, we planned to go on vacation all together, but I’m afraid that she will also behave the same way.

It is definitely not necessary to part with a man if the relationship between you is formed safely. The daughter does not resist the man, but the fact that you give your time and strength to him, and not to her. In addition, she still experiences the divorce and change of the family system. The girl suddenly found out that everything could collapse, her world in which she appeared and lived, turned out to be unstable and fragile. She is trying to come to terms with a feeling of unsafe.

The daughter claims to make decisions with whom you should be and whether to be at all. There are confidential, calm conversations here. Do not solve the problem in the spirit of “I said, and point”. Calmly explain that such decisions are made by adults, this is their personal space. Share how you suffered and suffered due to the fact that relations with her father changed in this way (but did not end, because you are forever connected by a common child). Perhaps she will help her understand that you really realize and experience these changes. Then she will not be alone in her loss.

Yes, relations with the father as they were is already impossible to save, so I had to change them. But this does not mean that your previous family cannot move on. Always tell your daughters that you (like your father) love her, regardless of any change, that you hope for her support for the situation in the new family to be stable and warm. Ask what you and your man can do to make her better, calmer. Joint pastime will also help: vacation, games, events. Your man and daughter will be able to gain joint experience of positive vivid emotions. Even if he goes to her school and help with lessons or teaches skating – this will be an important step towards rapprochement. He can give her a lot, which will facilitate this transition and her condition. Try. Be patient and